tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5650979411395789660.post7358569719046985543..comments2023-12-24T06:06:51.548+08:00Comments on Shin's Cancer Blog: Tell Me About YouShinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12174401097883054144noreply@blogger.comBlogger50125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5650979411395789660.post-63374401317783119782008-11-07T11:24:00.000+08:002008-11-07T11:24:00.000+08:00Hi Shin.I'm a new follower of your blog after I sa...Hi Shin.<BR/><BR/>I'm a new follower of your blog after I saw the Tuesday feature on TV : ) <BR/><BR/>I don't qualify as a young child who lost a parent. I'm 28 and I lost my father to cancer last year. <BR/><BR/>Like you, he loved his children very much. I'm sure till his last days, he was still somewhat worried about his children, wife, and mother.<BR/><BR/>When I lost my uncle to cancer several years back, I wondered what would happen. Sounds crazy but I really couldn't imagine life without him, especially for his young son. I soon realized life would go on for the rest of us.<BR/><BR/>I am touched by your efforts to help your children along when they lose their mother. <BR/><BR/>Do give yourself a pat on the back for the wonderful job so far. I'm sure your love for them and their upbringing will help them a long way.<BR/><BR/>Have confidence and tremendous faith in your kids and their father. They will remember your love for them and they will be fine : )<BR/><BR/>Thank you for being such an inspiration to myself and so many out there.<BR/><BR/>-A new followerAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5650979411395789660.post-63420211321647897432008-11-06T21:55:00.000+08:002008-11-06T21:55:00.000+08:00Anonymous,Fantastic ideas! I'll do some of that. ...Anonymous,<BR/><BR/>Fantastic ideas! I'll do some of that. Thanks!Shinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12174401097883054144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5650979411395789660.post-32443092985016274802008-11-06T21:54:00.000+08:002008-11-06T21:54:00.000+08:00Hi Shin.It's nice reading about all the things you...Hi Shin.<BR/><BR/>It's nice reading about all the things you are doing for your kids to remember you by when they are older. I have a suggestion, though - you may want to involve your kids, especially Josie. I am not sure if she is able to write, but you could ask her to start writing a little journal (or even drawing) about the little things (even the small mundane things) you do with her everyday, like taking a walk together, smelling the flowers, etc. and her feelings. You can help her along. And write down the date on each of these writings or drawings. Or do some art and craft together with her, e.g., make prints of both of your hands/feet on paper together. I am sure she will find them very precious in years to come, especially those items which she had a hand in doing together with you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5650979411395789660.post-56356604516342114482008-11-04T19:17:00.000+08:002008-11-04T19:17:00.000+08:00I am mommy to an 11-month-old baby girl as well as...I am mommy to an 11-month-old baby girl as well as daughter to a mother who has stage 4 breast cancer. <BR/><BR/>I find myself reading your blog with lots of tears and smiles. I admire your courage and I salute all cancer fighters, including my own mother, who choose to enrich their lives and the lives of others instead of surrendering to suffering.<BR/><BR/>My mother's illness gave me some radical ideas. I actually wrote advanced letters to my baby daughter, so if one day I pass on suddenly without a chance to say goodbye, my letters could help me do the job. And my daughter would still feel my presence even though I was long gone.<BR/><BR/>If you are interested, you can take a look at the samples of letters, which I posted on my blog. <BR/><BR/>http://myexplicitworld.blogspot.com/2008/08/letters-from-beneath.html<BR/><BR/>Take care!<BR/><BR/>Love,<BR/>Mommy of LaetitiaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5650979411395789660.post-88092000363179269292008-11-04T10:53:00.000+08:002008-11-04T10:53:00.000+08:00Dear Shin,Managed to find the song on the Internet...Dear Shin,<BR/><BR/>Managed to find the song on the Internet from the original singer. <BR/><BR/>http://www.music-lyrics-chord.com/Dickey_Lee/60313-Angels_Roses_And_Rain.htmlAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5650979411395789660.post-784296966709955452008-11-02T11:58:00.000+08:002008-11-02T11:58:00.000+08:00Dear ShinI lost both my parents to cancer and it d...Dear Shin<BR/><BR/>I lost both my parents to cancer and it does not make me feel any better to think I once helped in the investigation and testing on the very disease that claimed my parents' lives<BR/><BR/>Many times I felt so guilt ridden for not vagilant enough to recognise it and to make matter worst , there were no symptoms , no warning and when it came, the prognosis was already a bit gloomy<BR/><BR/>Shin , I understand you perfectly , I understand those tests' results that you've posted and I understand what you are going thru right now<BR/><BR/>I just want to let you know that you are not alone , not abandoned , the words that you've written in your blog are very important to many who read it daily <BR/><BR/>I am inspired by your life as a loving wife , a wonderful mother and above all , a beautiful human being with a beautiful soul<BR/><BR/>Francis LimAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5650979411395789660.post-57819507748688774802008-11-02T07:26:00.000+08:002008-11-02T07:26:00.000+08:00Jacqueline,Thanks for telling me about this story....Jacqueline,<BR/><BR/>Thanks for telling me about this story. I'll have a look at it soon. I looked for the song on You Tube but couldn't find it.Shinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12174401097883054144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5650979411395789660.post-39217662990222069452008-11-01T23:26:00.000+08:002008-11-01T23:26:00.000+08:00Dear Shin,I am a very lucky person to have both my...Dear Shin,<BR/><BR/>I am a very lucky person to have both my parents with me till now. I love this song tittle, Angels, Roses and Rain. I do not know who the original singer is, but there is a Chinese singer by the name of Chiyi who sang it beutifully. The lyrics were very meaningful and I happen to findout from the internet that it is actually a story which has received an award for Winner of Sensue Award for Childhood Trauma. I think this can help Tony and the children to cope when you are not around. I have attached herewith the web address. Hope you will find it useful.<BR/><BR/>http://www.geocities.com/guinevere_greenleaf/AngelsRosesAndRain.html<BR/><BR/>I find that you are a woman of courage and strength and truly admire and respect you for that. I feel here for you and your family and pray for your happiness always.<BR/><BR/>JacquelineJacqie'shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16505422445471757464noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5650979411395789660.post-47171774657663225832008-10-31T19:28:00.000+08:002008-10-31T19:28:00.000+08:00Net,Thanks for sharing your story with me. It's h...Net,<BR/><BR/>Thanks for sharing your story with me. It's hard enough to lose a parent, but losing a parent to suicide must be especially hard. <BR/><BR/>I'm reading a book entitled, "Still Here With Me" by Suzanne Sjoqvist. It's a compilation of stories by people who lost a parent at a young age. <BR/><BR/>Several of the parents lost were by suicide. One thing that struck me was that none of these children seemed angry at the parent who committed suicide. They still remembered the parent with love and fond images.Shinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12174401097883054144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5650979411395789660.post-30888333182901778212008-10-31T15:06:00.000+08:002008-10-31T15:06:00.000+08:00Hi ShinYou're indeed a strong woman. Your blog...Hi Shin<BR/><BR/>You're indeed a strong woman. Your blog entries touched my heart.<BR/><BR/>I lost my Mom when I was 12. She ended her life through suicide (her third time). <BR/><BR/>It was really tough for me and my family. At the age of 12, most kids would be preparing for their PSLE. Back then, I was crying almost every night.<BR/><BR/>I was the last person to see her. We walked passed each other along the corridor. She left for dinner while I was heading back home. I wanted to accomany her but she left without waiting for me. Yes, that was the last time I saw her. Often, I would blame myself for not running after her. If i did, she would have been alive now.<BR/><BR/>She was found at the hdb block behind us(till now, i dare not walk pass that place).I was so scared to go near her cold & still body. <BR/><BR/>Till now, i've been coping on how to reply people when they ask anything related to my Mom. I just dislike that feeling somehow.<BR/> <BR/>It's been 9 long years. I still remember all the tiny things we did together. Whenever i think of her, my hurt aches. I'll always look at the photos we took when i miss her. For me, photos help me remember my Mom.<BR/><BR/>I've always been a bubbly girl even though I'm always feeling sad inside.<BR/><BR/>I hope this helps. God Bless and stay strong for yourself and your family.<BR/><BR/>Love<BR/>NetAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5650979411395789660.post-36168940580083986752008-10-17T14:44:00.000+08:002008-10-17T14:44:00.000+08:00Rick,Thanks for your feedback. I dread the stepmot...Rick,<BR/><BR/>Thanks for your feedback. I dread the stepmother scenario. But I'm pretty sure that Tony wouldn't marry a woman who'd want Toby and Josie to forget me. And I'm positive that my close friends would never allow another woman to push me out of my kids' memories. I don't mind if Josie and Toby call another woman "mom", if that's what they need to do, but that doesn't mean they have to forget me in the process.<BR/><BR/>Great idea to video me singing songs to the kids. There are a few songs I used to sing to them every night when they were babies. And there are a few I made up just for them. I will definitely record those for Toby and Josie. Thanks so much for giving me that idea.Shinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12174401097883054144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5650979411395789660.post-10285925269564299282008-10-17T10:40:00.000+08:002008-10-17T10:40:00.000+08:00Hi Shin,You asked on your blog for feedback from p...Hi Shin,<BR/><BR/>You asked on your blog for feedback from people who lost their mothers when they were young. It so happens that my mother died of cancer of the adrenal glands when I was 6 years old. Back then (1955) there was little they could do for cancer. My mother went into the hospital for surgery to remove her spleen and when they opened her up they found cancer and simply closed her up. She died 3 days later. Back then children weren't allowed to visit at the hospital. She left to go to the hospital and I never saw her again. <BR/><BR/>What can I share with you that is helpful. First of all I have almost no memories of my mother. My father remarried a year later and my step mother tried to make me forget my mother and accept her as my mother. I was forbidden to refer to my step mother as "step mother" and I had to call her Mom. Back then there was no video, or even tape recorders to record messages. Because of the suddenness of my mother's unexpected death there was no opportunity for her to prepare us.<BR/><BR/>What do I recommend to you: Record videos of you with the kids. Do a videobiography of your life going all the way back to your first memories. Have a special video where you sing their favorite songs to the kids, tell them what they mean to you and express your hopes and wishes for them. Clearly express to them how you wished you could be with them through more of their lives and the reasons you may not be able to be there.<BR/><BR/>Probably the most significant impact upon me is a fear of abandonment and need for nurturance. I went to therapy in my 20's to work out some very intense feelings related to my mother leaving me. I feel sad just writing about it. I am confident that you have been taking the steps I recommend already, but I thought I would share them anyway, maybe there is a different idea, if not it always helps to have what you have been doing validated.<BR/><BR/>I hope this message finds you having a good day.<BR/><BR/>RickAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5650979411395789660.post-30061406317505648292008-10-13T14:43:00.000+08:002008-10-13T14:43:00.000+08:00Hi Shin,I just stumbled on your blog today and fel...Hi Shin,<BR/><BR/>I just stumbled on your blog today and felt so inspired by your strong will and your love for your kids.<BR/><BR/>On your topic about memories, I had read about a mother who had left behind notes for the child's milestones e.g. graduation, wedding, birth of first child etc. and these were delivered by someone else on these special occasions. So it actually seemed like her mother was actually there during these important times. Could be advice, could be just thoughts about her own experiences, or just loving thoughts etc. <BR/><BR/>I read about this and thought it really special.<BR/><BR/>Hope this is of some use to you. Press on!<BR/><BR/>BangsAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5650979411395789660.post-78718218854568467972008-10-10T17:42:00.000+08:002008-10-10T17:42:00.000+08:00Petrina!Of course I remember you! I had a baby gi...Petrina!<BR/><BR/>Of course I remember you! I had a baby gift for Oliver for over a year but somehow we both got so busy that we never got together after he was born. I don't even remember what happened to it now. But I'm sure Oliver won't fit into it anymore anyway.<BR/><BR/>The last time I saw you, we met for tea and you told me about your mother's fight with cancer.<BR/><BR/>I've been recording some video of me talking to the kids but not enough. The more feedback I get from readers who have lost their mothers, the more encouraged I am to do more of them. I'm going to make that a priority now, so that I can make these videos before I get too weak and sick to sound like me. <BR/><BR/>Thanks so much for your suggestion and for reading my blog.Shinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12174401097883054144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5650979411395789660.post-37037679037541740962008-10-10T12:47:00.000+08:002008-10-10T12:47:00.000+08:00Hi Shin,Don't know if you remember me Petrina (Ali...Hi Shin,<BR/><BR/>Don't know if you remember me Petrina (Alison's friend?) but I've been following your blog and always wondering how you are. <BR/><BR/>When I lost my mom 3 years ago also to cancer, I remember her strength whilst fighting it. Her courage, her positive can-do spirit, quite like you really. And I tell you that's been the single most inspiring thing in my life so far. Children really do learn by example, and YOU my dear, are a SHIN-ING! example! I have no doubt that they'll have a wonderful life and will do you proud. <BR/><BR/>However it also occured to me the other day that I forgot what her voice sounds like. After mom was diagnosed and had her operation she suffered a stroke and it affected her speech, so she wasn't able to express her inner most feelings to us at that crucial point in time. It was painful not knowing and how I longed to hear her last words but it also seemed like a blessing in that so much didn't need to be said.<BR/><BR/>It would be good with the techonology available today to record your voice down as little diary entries or audio blogs. Coz even though a blog is great and can be re-read over again, there's nothing like hearing the emotions from your own voice. I have a great tape recorder and would love to come by and help you record if you like. <BR/><BR/>Let me know. my email is petrinakow@gmail.com<BR/>Love you and thinking of you.<BR/><BR/>PetrinaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5650979411395789660.post-79987639938768791052008-10-10T09:38:00.000+08:002008-10-10T09:38:00.000+08:00ing,Thanks for sharing your very touching and pers...ing,<BR/><BR/>Thanks for sharing your very touching and personal story with me. It felt beautiful and reassuring. I truly hope my kids have such feelings when they think about me. I'd like their hearts to feel calm and peaceful, as yours seems to when thinking about your mother.Shinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12174401097883054144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5650979411395789660.post-3626294188583176712008-10-10T08:58:00.000+08:002008-10-10T08:58:00.000+08:00Hi Shin,I read your blog two days ago as my friend...Hi Shin,<BR/><BR/>I read your blog two days ago as my friend told me about your blog. <BR/><BR/>I think you are a strong woman and I am sure your children will remember that.<BR/><BR/>I lost my mum when I was 9 years old and I am 36 now. It is almost 30 years ago. <BR/><BR/>My mum was sick since I was born. She was so sick that she can't take care of me and I have to stay with my aunt. When I was 7 years, I came back to stay with her. But I have only have 2 wonderful years with her and she was really sick again. She spent her last one and a half year of life in hospital.<BR/><BR/>I am sure your children will remember you when they grow up as I remember my mum even I have spent just so little time with her. <BR/><BR/>When I was staying with my aunt, my mum came and visit me during the weekend. It was a one and a half hour journey.. And we always go to the seaside near my aunt's house. It is really strange that I can still feel or remember the beach, the wind and the tree as it was just yesterday..<BR/><BR/>My mum was very careful about what she ate as she suffered from very bad gastric problem. I can still remember those things that she would never touched. <BR/><BR/>And I remember the last day that my mum was at home. It was the Christmas Eve and we had a wonderful dinner although we were not christian at that time. The second day, she was hospitalized as she has eaten something that she cannot eat. And I still remember it was the black fungus. <BR/><BR/>My mum has spend one year in the hospital and although she was so sick and underwent so many operations, she never thought she will die. She insisted that she has to and want to see us grow up.. <BR/><BR/>This is really an big encouragement for me in my earlier years as I always don't think my mum has abandoned us. I always think that my mum is a strong mum. She loves us so much and she wants to fight with death.. although she lost but her love remains.<BR/><BR/>I remember vividly my mum standing at the hospital's window. It is an old hospital in Melaka, Malaysia.. When we visited her and left, she would always stand there and saw us going to bus stop. When I face any difficulties when I was young, I always think of this picture and I feel that my mum was watching me.. This is a great comfort to me..although it is a sad picture. <BR/><BR/>In her last day, we was at her bed. But she didn't want to let go.. although she was so sick and cannot talk anymore. So my uncle asked my aunt to take us away.. He told her he will take care of us and just let go.. then she died. <BR/><BR/>My uncle told us my mum is dead. <BR/>I remember her funeral and wake.<BR/><BR/>Although it is sad.. but I don't feel that my mum has left us. I think she will always be with us as she was standing at the window.. watching us.. <BR/><BR/>My mum have written down something about me and my elder sister in a small book. It is actually some letters draft with her sister in Singapore.. But this few drafts told us about everything.. how she choose our name? what are we look like in her eye and how does she feel about us? the small clothing or toys she bought for us.. all these daily little things that I am really appreciated..<BR/><BR/>If i see my mum in the heaven, I will tell her how much I love her and miss her. <BR/><BR/>So I am sure your chidlren will remember you as I remember my mum. I am sure that they can feel your love.. <BR/><BR/>God bless and take care.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5650979411395789660.post-57782713859952191892008-10-08T01:57:00.000+08:002008-10-08T01:57:00.000+08:00Arlen, Thanks for your feedback and for your kind ...Arlen, <BR/><BR/>Thanks for your feedback and for your kind words. <BR/><BR/>When I read about the kinds of random memories you have of your father, I pictured them and found them very ordinary, comforting, reassuring. <BR/><BR/>I wonder how the human brain decides which images to keep and which to discard? Why do you have that image of your father by his bedroom door and not something else? <BR/><BR/>I've thought about manipulating my kids' memories a bit by pushing certain things I'd like them to remember on them. I might take Toby's head in my hands, look him straight in the eyes and say, "I will always love you. Don't ever forget that." And I hope that image will be embedded in his brain forever. But you never know. Maybe he'll forget that and just remember me standing by my bedroom door... ; )Shinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12174401097883054144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5650979411395789660.post-1335228054110843862008-10-07T22:06:00.000+08:002008-10-07T22:06:00.000+08:00Hi Shin,I think you're amazing. Just for the recor...Hi Shin,<BR/><BR/>I think you're amazing. Just for the record. :)<BR/><BR/>My father died,... 4, 5 years ago? I'm 17 now, and yet I have to take a while to think about what happened.<BR/><BR/>I didn't realise what happened for a long time - he taught me how to program (computers), and sometimes even today when I do something I think is cool, I subconsciously go to tell him about it, to want him to be proud.<BR/><BR/>I'm not sure how it might differ from mothers and fathers being lost. The things I remember are very arbitrary, with no underlying theme - the days out when he would take me and my brother out for a bike ride; a mental photograph of him by his bedroom door; the times he's appeared in my dreams after his death - sometimes they feel even more real than the times when we lived together.<BR/><BR/>One thing about having kids who may lose their parent - photos are good, especially together. I have very few photos of my father, and even fewer of us together, and they are something I want very badly. One photo of our whole family on an outing together is enough to bring back dozens and dozens of memories.<BR/><BR/>You're great, and I like your reasoning about religion too.<BR/><BR/>ArlenAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5650979411395789660.post-72395183341144578862008-10-06T16:24:00.000+08:002008-10-06T16:24:00.000+08:00Hettylebrazier/Elizabeth,Thanks for your feedback ...Hettylebrazier/Elizabeth,<BR/><BR/>Thanks for your feedback and for reading my blog. <BR/><BR/>I find it quite interesting that so many people's memories of their loved ones are those of the simple senses - voices and smells - rather than complex, deep, psychological or emotional memories. <BR/><BR/>I can understand that. I love to hold Toby and Josie, hear their voices, smell their smell, feel their skin against mine. Simple senses. These are the things that make a person feel alive.Shinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12174401097883054144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5650979411395789660.post-29864666132201106692008-10-06T16:08:00.000+08:002008-10-06T16:08:00.000+08:00Sx re: advice on being a mother.I've been reluctan...Sx re: advice on being a mother.<BR/><BR/>I've been reluctant to leave behind advice to my kids about marriage and kids because I worry how they'll feel if they don't ever get married or have kids. Or if they decide to be in a same-sex relationship. Or if they can't have kids for some reason. Will they feel inadequate? <BR/><BR/>But those scenarios are not that likely so I should go ahead and leave behind some words of wisdom on being a mother. I'm not sure I have that much to pass on, though. Everyone's different and parenting fads change with the times. But you're right. I should say something about my thoughts on being a mother. I will. Thanks for your advice.Shinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12174401097883054144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5650979411395789660.post-18161812235235651682008-10-06T14:22:00.000+08:002008-10-06T14:22:00.000+08:00Hi ShinIt's Hugh's Mum. I read your blog every day...Hi Shin<BR/><BR/>It's Hugh's Mum. I read your blog every day. Love the photos.<BR/><BR/>I empathise with the person who could no longer hear her mother's voice. After Sarah, Hugh's sister, died I longed to hear her voice. I had no tapes or videos but even now (15 years on)when I play a tape of children's songs I can almost hear her singing along and see her doing zany actions.<BR/><BR/>Much love to you and the family. ElizabethAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5650979411395789660.post-4465441860846883972008-10-06T12:35:00.000+08:002008-10-06T12:35:00.000+08:00hi therethere is something else my husband observe...hi there<BR/>there is something else my husband observes as an adult. That is that it is mostly from your mother that you learn how to parent your own children. He often feels a little (actually a lot if the truth be known!) inept in areas of his fathering. I think he is an amazing father, and it's true that much of parenting is instinctual. However, as a father, he would love to know his mother's feelings on being a mother - how she felt when she knew he was coming - her views and ideas on various aspects of parenting based on her own experiences with him and his brothers. Your children will always know and feel your love - that is clear from your writing, but perhaps some advice on being a mum...?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5650979411395789660.post-64388273514486796442008-10-06T01:54:00.000+08:002008-10-06T01:54:00.000+08:00If I were going to die of cancer, I'd think yo...If I were going to die of cancer, I'd think you were a pretty amazing Mum to do all the things to keep me in touch with you. If I were your son or daughter I'd be delighted that your legacy kept on, even despite your death. Josie & Toby are probably already amazing kids and if they read this blog when they are older, it will be nice for them to know that their mum is pretty cool!!Shin, you are only human but your coolness has surpassed other things. Wow!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5650979411395789660.post-37557193466598438052008-10-06T01:47:00.000+08:002008-10-06T01:47:00.000+08:00Shin, it makes me feel good the way you talk about...Shin, it makes me feel good the way you talk about your kids and how they will remember you, cos of course they will! No doubt! <BR/>It makes me sad that maybe they won't experience you, which is different. But I still feel like you'll be around for a while. Instinct. You will. Love, you will.<BR/><BR/>We'll be discussing mundane things like lunches even next year. Just you wait and see. <BR/><BR/>E xxAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com