In Limbo...

I had my CT scan yesterday morning to see if the swelling in my chest is due to a recurrence of cancer. The radiologist rushed the results to my oncologist, who promptly went on holiday without telling me what the results were. Aaargh! She won’t be back until January 3rd!

I’ve tried calling my doctor on her mobile number, but she’s not answering. I can think of two reasons for not telling me the results:

1) It IS cancer, but there’s nothing that can be done about it until after the holidays, so she’s not telling me anything until after she returns in January.

2) It is NOT cancer, so there’s nothing to be done about it but keep on the antibiotics she’s already prescribed. No new course of action is needed so I don’t need to be told the results of the scan.

Or, she has no idea what it feels like for a cancer patient who is worried about a recurrence to wait for the results of a CT scan. How can this be?!?!?

Well, if there’s nothing that can be done now, there’s no point in worrying about it. I’ve accepted that it could be a return of cancer, and if that’s the case, I’ll go back on chemotherapy after the holidays. Going bald again might be better than this absurdly curly hair I have growing back now anyway. For now, I’ll just deal with the pain and discomfort of this mysterious swelling in my chest with antibiotics and pain relievers.