I just saw the interview I did for the current affairs program about dying. I thought it represented me pretty accurately. They chose the parts I think I would’ve chosen, if I were the producer.
For those of you who missed the program, some choice quotes:
“I don’t know, how do you do this dying thing? I’ve never done it before!” (So much for sounding intelligent and thoughtful!)
The presenter asked, “How do you live, knowing that you’re dying?” My answer: “By living right up to the moment I die.”
I don’t even know if that makes any sense. What I meant was, I’ll keep living day to day, doing normal being-alive things like grocery shopping and playing with the kids. Unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll actually get to do stuff like this up until the moment I die. I think there will be some downward spiral in my physical condition, so toward the end, I won’t be able to speak or sit up in bed, let alone do the shopping.
I’m really curious about just how the ending will play out. I want to be mentally prepared if it’s going to be a long, drawn-out painful process. I guess I’ll have time to get details about all that later on.
For now, I’ll keep doing the shopping and kissing my kids too much.
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Again, I have to say thanks to you, your breast cancer publicity has made a difference. Yea, even to me. I think of you often and just today I caught myself automatically giving myself a breast self exam in the airport transit hotel here in Newark. I've learned so much about breast cancer in the past few months since you've been rediagnosed. I've learned about the drugs, I've even cut out some article in HK's SCMP about a new type of "immune and health and nutrient" booster powder that they are selling to cancer patients, I've learned what "Hope for a cure" really means. In the past, all these things were just phrases to me having known nobody personally with breast cancer. But now they all mean something. I even ran for the Cure in Sentosa last month. For whatever its worth, you're making a change Shin. Thank you. And if I too can pass that message along, maybe more people will catch their breast cancer earlier and one day there will be a cure. So thanks dear, you've made a difference to our world. A big one.
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