A Good Day vs. A Great Day

I had a Great Day today. In case you don't know the difference between a Good Day and a Great Day, let me fill you in.

A GOOD DAY:
I'm still alive.

A GREAT DAY:
Tony went to my chemo treatment with me. A new X-ray showed that my lungs haven't gotten worse -- a big deal, because I'd started having chest pains yesterday, every time I coughed or breathed in too deeply. My doctor says the pain is from bruising caused by all the coughing, and Ibuprofen will fix that. For once, a quick and simple fix. Gotta love that!

Tony and I had lunch together and talked about our kids, about their future, and my role in their future. I love talking to Tony about anything, but especially about the kids and our future together (me, in a less physical role, of course). And we laughed together. I love laughing with Tony. He does it better than anyone I know. Well, any adult. Toby and Josie have THE BEST laughs.

I got a private room during my chemo and had some time to think and write. The nurses were kind and cheerful. I think they all believe I'm going to die soon, so they're especially nice and accommodating. Hey, there ARE perks!

After chemo, I went to Da Paolo Gourmet Deli and splurged on yummy, naughty food for me and Tony for dinner. I'm still eating mostly healthy and organic food, but I've decided to indulge in a bit of meat, cheese, and chocolate once in a while. Plus, I have mouth ulcers coming on again and I'm trying to stuff myself with as much food as I can before I can no longer eat solid food. (By the way, no more food drop-offs! You've stocked our fridge and freezer so well, there's no more room! Thank you all SO MUCH!)

I ate a slice of veggie pizza with gooey cheese while Tony drove me home from chemo. Here's a Korean joke: A guy who's sentenced to death is walking up the platform to the hangman's noose. He slips on the steps but catches himself just in time. He lets out a sigh of relief, "Whew! Almost killed myself there!" Keeping the strict diet I've been keeping for the past two years now would be like that guy. I still believe that the no-meat, no-dairy, no-sugar, no-caffeine, no-alcohol diet is the best diet for optimum health if you plan to stay healthy long-term. But it sure isn't the best diet for optimum pleasure!

Then I got home to see Josie and Toby at the playground with about a dozen other neighborhood kids of all ages, shapes, sizes, and colors. They all looked so happy. A few of the kids came up to me to say hello and looked relieved that I was still alive. I hadn't been out in a while and it was noticed, because I'm the crazy mom who dresses up in a bedsheet for Halloween and chases all the kids around.

Then I sat down with some other neighborhood moms and chatted while watching our kids run around. I hadn't had a nice long chat with these friends in weeks, maybe months, and I realized how much I've missed just talking to friends.

I know my time is precious now and I should devote every waking moment to writing to the kids, but I think what I did today was important too. I want my friends, their children, and my children to see that I'm not dead yet. I'm still alive, having fun, being the person they know.

I realized just how important this was when one of my friends told me that her daughter asked Josie why I hadn't been out for such a long time. Josie told her I was in the hospital. Another of Josie's friends asked if that was why my hair had fallen out, and Josie proceeded to tell them the story of the day my hair started falling out and she and Toby helped me pull it out so that Daddy could shave my head afterwards. Josie, grabbing a fistful of hair and yanking it out: "Mommy! Look how much I got!" Toby, eager to do everything his big sister does: "Me too! Let me try!" We had a ball. But then Toby tried pulling out Josie's hair and I had to explain that this little trick only worked with MY hair.

This time I spent with my girlfriends was also important to me for a selfish reason. I'm using them. These women will be in Josie's and Toby's lives after I'm gone. They'll probably see them almost every day, since we're neighbors. I want them to be able to tell my kids what their mother was thinking and feeling during these days. I want them to give Josie and Toby a picture of their mother through other people's eyes. I'd like my kids to see some day that I was more than the sum of my actions and conversations and interactions with just them.

So... to sum it up... What's a Great Day? Time with my husband, eating yummy food, watching my kids enjoy themselves, and talking and laughing with good friends. And no more bad cancer news. This was the best day I've had in ages.