Saturday, March 8, 2008

Night-time Thoughts

I woke up in the middle of the night last night and couldn't get back to sleep. I lay awake for hours in the dark thinking about... Death? No. Cancer? No.

Here are some of the thoughts that kept me awake last night:

1) When Josie was a newborn, Tony and I were watching her sleep one day when she suddenly started making a strange sound. Oh no! Was she choking? Having a seizure? I panicked. Tony was more clever. "She's LAUGHING, Shin!" And she was. Just days old and there she was, chuckling at something in her sleep. And then Tony told me something about myself that I'd never known: I laugh in my sleep. That's one of my favorite things about me.

2) Josie and I were watching the Cinderella movie recently and when we got to the part where she tries on the glass slipper, Josie leapt out of her seat and clapped her hands while jumping up and down and squealing with delight, "It FITS! It FITS!" She'd seen this movie several times before and read the story dozens of times. Still, she was SO excited! When I told Tony about this, he said, "That's YOU!" That's one of the most flattering things a guy has ever said to me.

3) One of Toby's favorite games lately is to cuddle up to me and say, "You be the mommy cat and I'll be the baby cat. Meow!" That's the whole game. He does this half a dozen times a day. Yesterday, he varied it with, "You be the mommy dog and I'll be the baby dog. Arf!"

4) When Josie was about Toby's age, she also liked to play pretend and she'd say to me, "You be the mommy and I'll be the baby." Hmmm...

5) Another pretend game Josie liked to play when she first started school was, "You be the teacher and I'll be the children." "'Children' is plural, more than one, and there's only one of you," I said. She stopped to think for a few seconds, "Okay, I'll be the teacher and YOU be the children."

6) Last year, Josie's teacher told me she asked the class what "delicate" meant. Josie raised her hand and said, "'Delicate' is a synonym for 'fragile'." Then she explained what a synonym was. That's my girl!

7) Yesterday, Toby asked me if I pee standing up. I told him boys stand and girls sit. He said, "Daddy and Toby stand; mommy and Josie sit." Then I tested his gender ID skills, asking him about various storybook characters and stuffed toys. Hence, I discovered that in Toby's mind, Josie's bedtime teddy, Pink Baby, is a girl (as expected), but Toby's bedtime teddy, Blue Baby, is also a girl. Either that or ALL teddy bears sit, whatever their gender.

8) Yesterday, I was telling Josie about something very sad that had happened and Toby came running up to me, grabbed my face in his hands and asked, "You happy Mommy?" I was stumped. I didn't want to say I was happy because I'd just been talking to Josie about something sad, but I didn't want to tell Toby I was NOT happy, because I didn't want him to confuse my overall state of happiness with my present mood. So I hemmed and hawed for a few seconds and said, "Well, I'm GENERALLY happy, but right now I'm a little sad because I'm telling Josie a sad story." Boy, I can't remember the last time I was so stumped for an answer. Discussions about religion and the meaning of life are MUCH easier!

So picture me, lying in the dark at 2 a.m., smiling to myself, trying desperately NOT to laugh because that would just start a coughing fit that would be the end of me. This is not the behavior of a woman dying of cancer. Something is definitely wrong with me... ; )

[If I remember more funnies from my sleepless night, I'll add them to this Blog entry later in the day.]


Alka said...

Just keep the fingers moving, I love your night-time thoughts. Can I come and see you and Josie and Toby?
love, alka

chance said...

Dear Shin

You crack me up.

We have never met. But I so like you already :)

Shin said...


Are you the same "Chance" who commented on the "God's Problem" Blog?

Anonymous said...

To all of those of you who have never met Shin let me educate you.............there really is nothing to "like" can't "like" can only "LOVE" may be easy for people who are reading this blog to think I say this for "selfish", "get a point in the friendship stakes" reasons but they would be SO wrong....anyone who has is lucky enough to have had Shin cross their paths will agree with me when I say she is "AMAZING" no joke, no exageration...............I'd be happy to be classed as HALF the woman she is.............But I am happy to KNOW her even more......
Love you Shin, thank you for being in my life. Leigh x

erniepook said...

Shin - we are thinking of you and sending you positive vibrations from Wash DC. Lots of love to you, Anthony, Josie and Toby.

Uncle Mark, (Great)Grandma Irene, Laura and Joseph

Shin said...

Hi Leigh (who posted as "anonymous" but signed off by name on March 7),

Thanks for the compliment, but I beg to differ. I can give you a very long list of folks who neither love nor like me. In fact, I can even come up with a few who might think this cancer was divine justice.

So let's not make me out to be a saint, eh?

In fact, I'm tempted to write a Blog entry of all the dark, evil, horrible, cruel thoughts I've had and things I've done in my life, just so nobody out there thinks I'm some kind of Pollyanna. Don't make me do it! It could get ugly!

Besides, I'd be very suspicious of anyone who's loved by EVERYBODY. If you haven't managed to piss off SOMEBODY during your life, I think that suggests you never had the guts to disagree with or challenge anyone.

Michelle Ring said...

I can vouch for all sorts of people who have looked at Shin in all sorts of discerning ways since I've know her. Special she is. Saint-like definitely not.

But I hear your sentiment Leigh. She is dealing with this disease and her shorter future unbelievably well. She is helping all of us more than we are helping her most of the time. And if that's the saint-like you are talking about ,then I agree with you.

Thanks Shin, for helping me to cope during a time where I thought I would be crap and fall apart.

I love you.

Anonymous said...

You got it Michelle.........

I like to think of her as an angel who's halo slipped a bit ;-)

I don't class her as saintly, I do KNOW her as unique, strong, diverse, opinionated (IN A GOOD WAY!!) and these are just a FEW of the strengths that I LOVE - whilst I am sure as both you and she confirm she has succeeded in upsetting a few along the way ..........I am a firm believer that any opinion she has shared will have been well considered and sensible........
I still consider myself lucky, lucky, LUCKY to "love" her ;-)
PS - the reason I signed off as anon was becuase for some reason my google account refuses to acknowledge my password anymore!
PPS - Hurry up and come back Michelle - you're missed ;-)



Leighbee said...

Sorry - this is a "nothing" post - I have just resubmitted my google information in the hope its going to reactivate my password goes.....!

Shin said...


You do NOT need to create a Google Account to comment on this Blog.

To post a comment:

1) Type in your comment in the "Leave your comment" box.

2) Type the funny-looking characters in the "Word Verification" box.

3) Under the instruction, "Choose an identity", select "Name/URL" and write your name or a pseudonym in the "Name" box (leave "URL" box empty)

4) Click on "Publish Your Comment". You can click on "Preview" if you'd like to see what your posted comment will look like on the Blog site first.

Chance said...

Dear Shin

Yes, I am the same Chance.

Random thoughts of my two kids make me chuckle too. Not in the middle of night, but the crazy moments of my work days.

I thank my God for you. You have a special gift, touching not just your love ones, but strangers like me too.

Stay strong. Stay happy. I am rooting for you.

Jin said...

Not surprising, since the mere thought of Josie and Toby brings a big smile to my face! It's instant happiness! I must be the luckiest aunt in the world!


P.S. Glad to know I'm not the only one who's blog/comment challenged! How is it that I'm Asian and I'm so bad in math and with computers? Something went terribly awry! But at least I'm in good company!...

Deb said...

More night time thoughts please!

I just love hearing about your two beautiful children.

love ya


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