Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Life and Death Trade-Off

[I'm writing from Korea, where I'll be for the next nine days.]

I think I might have given people the wrong impression with my last post. I didn't want to make myself out to be some sort of saint who sacrifices her happiness for that of others. I am far, far from being any kind of saint.

My point was that I could think of many other people who need and want God's help, whose problems and heartaches are more urgent than mine. I don't feel desperate or depressed or abandoned by the universe. I'm actually happier than I've ever been in my life. That's partly due to the fact that my physical condition has improved dramatically in the past few months. But even when I thought the end was near, I didn't feel that anxious longing for a solution to my problems that many people I know are feeling.

In other words, if there is a God and he's listening, I'd like him to know that I'm doing okay, thank you very much. Please go help somebody else who really needs you.

That brings me to another thought...

What if I had one wish that God would grant me. Would it be that he'd cure me of cancer? Absolutely not.

What a waste of a wish that would be. If God is indeed all-powerful, I could wish for the end of all suffering and pain for all of mankind and I'd solve the world's problems in one fell swoop. If that were possible, who wouldn't wish for that over saving one person from cancer?

If you knew for a certainty that your death would save the rest of mankind from suffering, not just people who are alive now, but all of humanity for generations to come, of course you'd agree to die. That's not being a martyr; that's being smart and getting maximum power out of one human act.

Come to think of it, there was somebody who did give up his life for all of mankind. If Mel Gibson's imagination is anything like the truth, this man went through terrible physical torture - whipped, spear through his side, crown of thorns on his head, and nailed to a piece of wood and left to die - but in exchange, mankind would be saved.

Ah... and somehow, there is still suffering in this world that makes even Gibson's glorified snuff film look like a child's game.


Anonymous said...

Hi Shin,

How could you not want to live for your children?. The very fact that you pray for others and wish them well.
Just as you seem contended with your lot - would'nt they be too? - or perhaps your prayer for them could be what you are expriencing.
I believe you still believe in God.
What will take for you to believe?


Anonymous said...

If I were in your shoes...."To hell with the world! I want to be cured of cancer and want many more years with my children and husband." Yes, I am selfish!
Do u truely mean what u wrote?! Then u are one GREAT person!

Shin said...

Dear SK,

Of course I'd like to live for my children. And my husband, my parents, friends, and anybody else who might be sad when I die.

But honestly, I think my children will survive without me. They'll have their father and many others to surround them with love. And I'm doing what I can now to ensure that they know they have my love, even after I'm gone.

There are many, many more people who are suffering a fate far worse than losing a parent.

I believe in the spirit of God - the combined force of goodness in the world. I can't really say I believe in a supreme being who manipulates our lives and doles out favors and punishments.

What will it take for me to believe? I can't think of any way that I'd believe in the Christian God. I think Christians underestimate God. If there IS a supreme being, he's a lot better than Christians make him out to be.

Shin said...

Dear Rubina,

Yes, I do truly mean what I wrote. I don't really see how anyone could choose otherwise. One person versus all of mankind. Seems like a no-brainer to me.

Anonymous said...

hello shin...1st n foremost...thnx coz u wanna add me as ur 14 yrs old..n im sorry 4 ur health.well i hope u don give up easily coz ur children needs u..have a pity on takes medicine..n take care of ur health.maybe there's wisdom behind diz.pray to god..i'd share about ur sad story wif my mum.she felt sorry too..y dont u try elken?
it's a medicine..hopefully it'll treat ur health.but 1st of all,ask 4 the doctors comment..kk?take care dear...may god bless on u...(=

Anonymous said...

Dear Shin,

Yes, God is greater than we made Him out to be. With our finite mind, we can not imagine and understand Him fully. That is not His fault but ours.

I love reading your blog. It makes me think.

I hope that you will find God, the supreme being someday.

little Faith