Friday, May 30, 2008

Am I Really Obtuse?

A friend of mine called me "obtuse" because I said in an earlier Blog entry that cancer hasn't taught me anything I didn't already know. I'm sure he meant that in the best way possible, but it got me re-thinking.

I say RE-thinking, because I've thought about this over and over again for the past two years since I was diagnosed. Why hasn't cancer been a life-altering experience for me? Why hasn't cancer shattered my world or made me a better person or shaken the very foundations of my being?

My outlook on life, my belief in myself, my thoughts on religion, my appreciation for what I have - all of these were the same before cancer. Maybe I'm missing something.

So I'll turn the question over to those of you who know me. Have I changed in any way since I was diagnosed with cancer?

Anybody who hasn't spent any time with me in the past decade may not be able to answer this question, since I only became the person I am now about ten years ago, when I met Tony. He gets the credit for making me a decent person.


Deb said...

Are people affraid to reply to this one?

I beg to differ on the part when you say Tony has made you a decent person, sorry Tony :)
You are two totally different people and you compliment each other beautifully.

I have known you for over ten years and I remember you being exactly the same then as you are now. I used to be in constant amazement that you always wanted to help everyone. Granted you had your opinions and they often differed to others but you've always had a good heart, a little judgemental at times but very giving.

You analize things in a very practicle way and that's what I think you're doing now. Reasearching everything like a true journalist does and trying to keep an open mind.

You have NEVER felt sorry for yourself so why would you start now?

You still have the ability to "throw the cat among the pigeons" as my mum would say. The difference now is that you realise what you've done and try to make amends.

Why should cancer change you? - is the question we should ask. Your life is shortened and you have to cram in all those things you thought you had years to do but it shouldn't change the way you are and I don't think it has with you and that is a good thing.

Keep being Shin, we love you just the way you are.
I'm getting all sentimental again.


Marge said...

Perhaps the real measure is not whether you have changed but whether others have changed because of you. Without cancer you would not have started writing this blog, getting involved in the lives of others with cancer, and helping to educate those with and without cancer about what you've experienced. Maybe it's made you a better mother and wife. Impossible to say.
I don't think I've changed that much either over years, but the way I behave and what I put out there has changed a lot - for bad and for good.
Maybe you're doing lots of terrific external "good" to make up for all that alleged bad you did in a previous life that you're so fond of reminding your readers about - although I certainly don't remember it quite that way. :-)

Leighbee said...

Well...........what a tough post for ANYONE to answer! I certainly am not in a position to comment, having only know you a relatively short time albeit through one of your "remission" times????? HOWEVER.......I can comment that whilst you THINK you haven't changed (or at least your views haven't) since you've been diagnosed, I am SURE you have ;-) Don't we ALL change? Our views and opinions alter through the passage of time as we learn and experience more allowing us make more considered opinions? I remember a time before I lost my own child to SIDS that I made lousy and uneducated comments about how I thought Cot death was all a bit "Suspicious"......I guess its a common misconception BUT I had to "change" my opinions radically when I experienced the horror myself and as such "changed" as a person as a reult. I don't think "changing" is a concious thing........something that just happens as a result of the hand we are dealt. "Obtuse"????? Not at all....obtuse people are "blunt and slow of perception" (check out Oxford dictionaries definition) I am sure ALL who read this will agree that Shin is NOT "Obtuse"??!!