Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Loved and Admired

Question from a blog reader: "Do you find people are more affectionate around you, knowing you are sick and does it get intolerable or are you happy to know you are loved and admired?"

Yes, I think people are more affectionate around me and to me. I've seen friends treat each other more kindly than they used to, and I'd like to think it's partly because my cancer has helped them appreciate each other more. People are also more affectionate to me, because they think I'm going to die soon. But what if I live for another five years or more? Can you all keep this be-kind-to-Shin charade going for that long? Now there's a challenge.

"Intolerable" is a bit strong, but I do find it a bit tiresome to hear from people how wonderful and inspiring I am. I think a large part of that is because many of the people who are showering me with such lofty praise don't really know me.

On the other hand, when people tell me they've read something on my blog that helped them in some way, it means a great deal to me. That feels like real understanding and appreciation.

I think everyone would like to be loved and admired. But again, that only means something to me if the love and admiration come from true knowledge of me, warts and all.

Parents are often told to separate the behavior from the child when they criticize or scold. So don't say, "You're a naughty boy"; say, "That's a naughty thing you've done." That applies to adults as well. Maybe it's not me you love and admire, but particular aspects of my behavior in facing cancer that have made an impression on you.

2 comments:

Deb said...

Thanks for answering my question Shin.
My reason for asking is because I am one of those people who is showing more affection to you but I don't think it's cancer related, I've simply got more emotional with age :)

I do admire the way you are handling this but then you're doing it in the style with which you tackle everything, with full commitment so there's no real change there.

I'm less inclined to disagree with you now. I don't know if this is wrong but that's how your cancer has changed the way I am with you.

You have a strength about you that we would all like to see in ourselves. (I wrote that without saying admire :)) You've always had it, the way you constantly think of helping others first and you're still doing it now despite what you're going through yourself.

You once asked if cancer had changed you and I say absolutely not.

We have a saying in our house "that's just Shin being Shin" and it always makes us smile.

XXXXXX

Shin said...

Deb,

Less inclined to disagree with me? This is not a good thing. If you don't disagree with me, how will I ever know that I'm not always right.?

I AM always right, you know. I once thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.

You'd better disagree with me or I'll become insufferable.