Thursday, August 28, 2008

What Goes Through My Mind?

A blog reader has asked what goes through my mind as I lie on the table getting radiation to my brain. I'd have to say... not much. The actual time on the cold, hard slab lasts less than ten minutes, so I'm in and out fairly quickly.

Sure, I could let my mind wander to... "Oh no! This is serious! I'm going to die! This is it! The beginning of the end!"

Been there and done that, then I moved on to... "We've chosen what we know to be the best course of treatment, so let's do what we can medically to control these tumors in my brain and the cancer running amok in the rest of my body. We know there's no cure, but we'll keep doing the best we can to prolong my life and quality of life for as long as we can."

Meanwhile, I'll continue to eat, sleep, and breathe, enjoy the company of family and friends, watch entire TV seasons (thanks to my friends with extensive DVD collections to help me escape from cancer for hours at a time!), cuddle up and read with my kids, and watch Tony, Josie, and Toby go on enjoying their lives.

Cancer sucks, but life is still wonderful.


Anonymous said...

Hi Shin,

I was going through your Cancer chronology and in your records on 22.02.08, it is stated that the biopsy shows that the tissue was PR positive.

I was reminded of your post, "Sign From God?" on 15.03.08. Can Femara be of any use?


Leighbee said...

What a positive comment - thank you

Alka said...

I love your spirit, and this makes you a very very special person.

Shin said...

Dear MAM,

I've talked to my doctor about Femara and it is not an option for me. I'm just at the cut-off point for PR positive so it's not much of a change to change my course of treatment. Also, I'm still ER negative, so Femara would not be appropriate for me.

Anonymous said...

Hi Shin-
I too have brain, liver and lung mets. I know all to well what you're going through. I too was given the 6 month speech. It's mind over matter. Give yourself permission and Tony permission to be optimistic. I'm taking Xeloda and it seems to be working for me but my counts are so low that I can't take it for long periods of time. I pray that you get a response from the chemo and quality of life. Fist up, chin down and fight, fight fight. God is able, stephanie

Anonymous said...

Your comment made me think of this talk on TED. We can choose to be happy no matter what our circumstannces. It was nice catching up with you today at school. Hope to see you again soon. Natalia

Shin said...


Thanks for recommending this talk on happiness. I'd like to recommend it to everyone else as well!