Thursday, August 21, 2008

Back Home

I got back home from the hospital yesterday. I don't remember much of what happened. I remember feeling a bit of numbness and loss of co-ordination in my right hand and foot on Sunday night. I remember, as I went to bed, thinking that this could be it and that I might never wake up. I was thinking about a guy I knew of who went to bed with a bad headache and died in his sleep.

The next thing I remember is being in the ambulance, feeling panicked, claustrophobic, and suffocated. I kept trying to sit up but the nurses and Tony kept pushing me down. And then I guess I passed out again after a few minutes of that because the next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital, hooked up to a drip, with Tony sitting next to me. He explained to me what had happened.

I felt fine, except that during my seizures, of which I had several, I knocked off the bandages on my two big toes, along with the skin. Now I have red, raw, skinless toes that are painful to the slightest touch, and that means I have to wait even longer now before starting on the next chemo regimen.

I had a brain MRI yesterday so we can see what's going on in there. I'll get the results later today and maybe decide what to do about those brain tumors that seem to be growing. I'm wondering if we should do something about the cancer in my bones as well, instead of waiting until they actually cause symptoms as we did with the brain tumors. I don't feel like any more ambulance rides to the hospital in the middle of the night.

This episode has gotten us all a bit spooked. I guess I'm not going to live forever after all. It appears my cancer is continuing to spread and we're down to the last remaining options for treatment. I guess the best we can do now is to keep going with whatever is available to me and hope for the best. Meanwhile, I suppose I should take this dying thing a bit more seriously and get moving on things I wanted to leave behind for the kids.

I'll post again later after we get the results of the brain MRI.

Thanks to all of you for your concern and offers of help. We're really lucky to have such kind family, friends, and neighbors.


ALI KATI said...

Big welcome home! You don't know how glad I am to hear you're back.

Leighbee said...

Love you dear friend..........

Just want that documented lest you forget!

writerinresidence said...

Am so glad you're back home and posting again, Shin. Thinking of you and wishing you and Tony and the kids well. Noelle

Anonymous said...

Hi Shin,

I am sure I needn't remind you no one will live forever. But I am reminded daily to " persevere so that when you have done the Will of God, you will receive what He has promised" Heb 10:36

Good to read your entry that seems to sound like you are none the worse from the episode on Sunday - except for the bruised toes!

You have such a following for your blog that I am quite sure you will have to work alittle more before you can rest.

I am one of the guilty ones that was disappointed and anxious when there was no entry on Monday. And I think there was one day a couple of weeks ago that you posted your entry quite late in the morning.
I just look forward to "hearing" you every morning - keep it coming.


Lou Ann said...

I live in Sweetwater, Texas, the midwestern part of the big state. We hardly ever get enough rain, summer is too hot (about 40C too often) and trees are scarce, except in my yard where we water them with well water. Cactus is the native flora here.

I wanted you to know that I have been reading your blog for several months and I am so very sorry that you are suffering so much. I had early breast cancer in 2002 with minor surgery and 32 radiation treatments. Nothing - - compared to what you are going through. I remember when the doctor's nurse called and told me it was cancer. I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach with a boot. I think "cancer" is one of the dirtiest words in the English language.

I'm sure that people from all over the world are intrigued with your detailed account of your ordeal. I just wanted you to know that a great grandmother who is 74 years old is visiting your blog every day and praying for you to continue with the strength and courage that you have already demonstrated.