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I got back home from the hospital yesterday. I don't remember much of what happened. I remember feeling a bit of numbness and loss of co-ordination in my right hand and foot on Sunday night. I remember, as I went to bed, thinking that this could be it and that I might never wake up. I was thinking about a guy I knew of who went to bed with a bad headache and died in his sleep.

The next thing I remember is being in the ambulance, feeling panicked, claustrophobic, and suffocated. I kept trying to sit up but the nurses and Tony kept pushing me down. And then I guess I passed out again after a few minutes of that because the next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital, hooked up to a drip, with Tony sitting next to me. He explained to me what had happened.

I felt fine, except that during my seizures, of which I had several, I knocked off the bandages on my two big toes, along with the skin. Now I have red, raw, skinless toes that are painful to the slightest touch, and that means I have to wait even longer now before starting on the next chemo regimen.

I had a brain MRI yesterday so we can see what's going on in there. I'll get the results later today and maybe decide what to do about those brain tumors that seem to be growing. I'm wondering if we should do something about the cancer in my bones as well, instead of waiting until they actually cause symptoms as we did with the brain tumors. I don't feel like any more ambulance rides to the hospital in the middle of the night.

This episode has gotten us all a bit spooked. I guess I'm not going to live forever after all. It appears my cancer is continuing to spread and we're down to the last remaining options for treatment. I guess the best we can do now is to keep going with whatever is available to me and hope for the best. Meanwhile, I suppose I should take this dying thing a bit more seriously and get moving on things I wanted to leave behind for the kids.

I'll post again later after we get the results of the brain MRI.

Thanks to all of you for your concern and offers of help. We're really lucky to have such kind family, friends, and neighbors.