Monday, February 16, 2009

Shin's Unpublished Posts - Why Remember?

Shin has a bunch of unpublished draft posts in her blog account. She probably didn't think they were interesting enough to publish or held back for other reasons, but I find them very interesting now. I thought I would publish some of them.

This post is about what she wanted to rememered for. There was a cancer blog by Leroy Sievers that was an inspiration to Shin. Leroy once asked what his readers wanted to live for. Shin wrote in that her kids were 1 and 3 (at that time) and that she wanted more years so that her kids could remember her. Not for any particular accomplishement but just to remember her being her. Being a famous journast Leroy appeared on TV quite often and had a documentary done about his battle with cancer. I noticed in most interviews he would quote Shin's comment about the mother that wanted her kids to remember her for being her. Shin had a talent for having her words stand out. There were hundreds of responses to Leroy's question, but for some reason it was Shin's that he continued to quote.


Shin's post (10 Dec 2008).......

People want to leave a mark on this world, leave behind a legacy, be immortalized in history books. That's never seemed important to me. After all, why would I care what people remember or think or say about me after I'd dead and gone? I'll be gone, after all.

The only reason leaving behind any kind of legacy is important to me is for my kids. If they can't have a living mother, at least they can have the memories of a mother who loved them to pieces. That isn't about me being encapsulated in their hearts and minds so that my existence on Earth will not have been for naught; it's about giving the kids something, anything to replace the mother who had to leave them too early.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

that's awesome--i remember exactly that post wherein leroy pointed out shin's response. but i am not surprised he remembered her words out of the hundreds of comments he received.

thank you also for sharing your last post on her medical condition in the final days. i think that is extremely helpful for others who are enduring the same experience with their loved ones. so much of the fear is simply not knowing... and reading about similar situations does much to ease the anxiety--i don't think people can describe their thanks in words for what you are helping to do. your selflessness to help others is truly remarkable. thank you tony.

Anonymous said...

I remembered Shin saying all that in her interview in channel 8 and all that still so fresh and deep impression in me.

Thanks Tony, is really good to read what Shin had written and Josie and Toby will be very touched too.

Anonymous said...

Shin never intend to leave legacy for anyone else but Josie and Toby but she will be happy to know how much she has left behind for countless ppl here to be able to know how to love, share, "give", compassion in heart and action...

She's a very responsible and thoughtful mother who wanted to do as much as she can for her kids (and I am sure also to help Tony to "prepare" himself for as much as possible). She wanted Josie and Toby to remember her and as "person" but all the mother's love that they have even she is not here. (but I guess we emphasis on both and Shin emphasis on the mother love that she gave)

Anonymous said...

I have heard about Shin on TV, and I have been following her condition ever since. It came as a shock to me when I return from the Chinese New Year holidays to learnt that she has left us.

I felt very sad but I really admired her for what she has done for her family. She has lived such strong and fulfilling life till her very last breath.

I really appreciate that you are still sharing and updating this blog for your kids and us...in that way we can all find closure.

Please take care and stay strong.

Ronnie Ng said...

Tony,
as seen from Shin, i guess having kids could add meaning & purpose to one's life.

As of now, i'm still trying to come to terms with why i'm here in this world, why am i still hanging on, & thoughts like that... Maybe i'd start thinking more about leaving a legacy once i get married & start having kids...

Does having Josie & Toby tremendously add meaning to your life too?

Tony said...

Hi Ronnie,

Actually, I think Shin's real point is that she doesn't need a legacy, she just wants the kids to have a memory of their mother for their own piece of mind.

I'm not sure that's the way I put "they add meaning to my life". But I do love them ridiculously (like the first year of falling in love with a girlfriend), where I'd just do anything for them. They take up all my time, I don't play golf anymore (which i used to love), and I can barely get 30 min of guitar practice a day. But I really don't mind giving up things for them. And now more then ever it helps to have a cause - to feel driven to do everything possible that they will survive their loss as well as can be done. But like Shin was alluding to, I think its an unconditional love where I don't really need anything back like a legacy or anything. Just want them to be ok. And i suppose a state of unconditional love is a nice state for your heart whether it be for your kids our anyone else in your life.

writerinresidence said...

God, she was/is such a tremendous writer.

Anonymous said...

Tony, you are the strongest, most compassionate and the most loving person whose words I have ever read. You have given up those things which you love for the love of your children. But mostly I think that your sharing the last week or two of Shin's life has the most meaning. Your children will grow up and always be with their Dad and know how much he loves them. Other cancer sufferers will learn, more people than you can imagine, so you have shared your most personal moments to teach others that they may not be afraid. Thank you so much for that. Love

Anonymous said...

Tony, that's what mother and father true love is all about! Ony responsible and unselfish parents will think and do everything for their children at the "expense" of theirs, they won't think for themselves at all. BUT not every parents are like that especially those selfish ones (do exist).

Maybe you don't have to give up guitar, you can practise with them singing, if they are interested...I think you are coping quite well emotionally? If you do need to take a break or calm down, playing golf (which you used to love) once in a while will do you good too. Tony, you are a great daddy and Josie and Toby are lucky to have Tony and Shin as their parents. Take care and don't "overwork".

ontransit said...

Thank you for sharing. Shin is not someone I know, yet she's one of the people whose words made an impact on my mind and heart.

Hope you are doing well. Take good care and all the best for you and your family :)