Thursday, February 5, 2009

Memorial Service - Eulogy by Tony (video)

Attached, is the video of Tony's Eulogy. We'll post the other segments when they are finished being edited.

Tony

http://www.vimeo.com/3077874

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thanks Tony! :)

You are a great husband. I tried to control my tears like you did in the video but I am sure is even harder for you. My tears finally drop when listen to your last paragraph. Tony, do cry if you need, Josie and Toby will be too young to really understand what death means and how you feel about that, because they are still kids. So I am sure there will be times when you maybe thinking of Shin and feeling emo yet on the other hand the kids maybe throwing tantrums,etc, I believe that's the time when you really have to be patient and remember that they are STILL KIDS... Josie maybe able to understand a bit more than Toby but she is still a kid....is not easy esp when kids do throw tantrum but I believe the thought of Shin and her love and yours for the kids will enable you to be more patient with them. Do ask for help when such things happen often and you sense that you may not be able to cope, is really advisable for you to catch a little breathe with the help from any1, be it the husbands who lost their wives and experience all that...Guess they will be good advisors and supporters to you too in person. Not forgetting us here to give you mental support.

Tony, really don't suppress your grief, cry if you need to, is normal...I been through missing and crying when I lost my love one and it took me many years not to cry looking at her belongings,places we went, thinking of her (But now still occassionally will tears a little la)...the most important thing is to allow yourself to grief, to cry then accept totally...and don't give yourself too much pressure because I believe you will do fine when the time goes, slowly with the help from others because of your LOVE FOR SHIN AND THE KIDS! :) and the love from those you know :) Really to catch a little breather which will enable you to have the capability to deal with the kids tantrum,etc...I am sure Josie and Toby will grow up to be what Shin hopes they will be. No pressure to you but I am confident that you will be a good father. :)

Anonymous said...

Thanks Lynn! :)

Anonymous said...

Thanks Tony! :)

hamms said...

May Shin rest in peace, and Tony just always be there for the two kids.

God bless

Anonymous said...

Tony

Will you be using Shin's blog to update us of how your children are coping or will Shin blog be closed?

Anonymous said...

Dear Tony,

It has been 10 days since Shin passed away.

How are the children and yourself? If this is not too much to ask, can you please put a posting up to let us know how are you guys?

Shin has moved on. Certainly we hope the three of you have also started moving on in your life...

One more request - are you talking/chatting with Josie and Toby? I imagine you are just like my husband - man of few words. From your Eulogy, I can imagine Shin engaging the children in conversations of all sorts. Without her now, who are the children talking to? I hope there is still someone who chats with them.

ALI KATI said...

Thanks and well done, Lynn! This had me crying.

Anonymous said...

Dear Tony,

I have met Shin only once and that was before she started this blog.

When I learnt about her recurrence and this blog, I have been following it very closely.

Of course like many out there, I like to know how you, Josie and Toby are getting on but if you do need a break from this blog, do let us know.

Anonymous said...

Hi Tony, How are you and the kids now? Will you be posting more on Shin,especially her last week? If you feel ok about posting, we will be glad to know but if that will make you feel more sad by posting, I won't want to. :)

Oh yes,I also notice about the "no. of days left to vote" on the right hand side of the voting thing. How come there is limitation of days? Any particular meaning?

Anonymous said...

Tony, I have just read Shin past posts and thought would like to share a bit: I am not sure if Josie has the inner strength as Shin or she just kept all her emotion inside her... I am a teacher too and I came across kids who are like Josie, when being tease, bullied,etc, some tends to just ignore just like Josie. However, we need to try to find out more by talking to them because some just keep everything inside them, some just too afraid, some just don't bother,etc, there are different reasons behind. And I read that Josie did get very upset by one incident (Dec 15 post). I just like to highlight to you that Josie is considered a very obedient and high EQ girl at her age but I do also think that she is sensitive (just like many of the girls,even woman! :P)...so Tony, do chat with her to understand her feeling and her character which will be changing due to external factors/environment while growing up (such as she may keep her thoughts and true feeling,esp negative emotion). I don't know why Josie give me a feeling that she may keep her sadness,etc, inside and if she and Shin always chat,etc. Kids can have emotion swing just like adult and I think with more constant love and concern in the form of chatting, etc, will ensure that she has a sense of security and knows that her daddy will always be there to listen and understand her. That's very important to Josie and even Toby. but I think because Josie is a girl, and she is older yet may still have a lot of doubts, even "regrets",etc, in her about Shin's death. Is really very important to let her feel the trust and security. :) I am sure you wil be able to as time pass, a lot of trial and error and don't hesitate if you do need help from anyone. I am sure we will all be very willing to help and hope that Josie and Toby will grow up to be like her mother and daddy strong points. :) Btw, this is just to highlight, hope that won't give you any pressure and I really hope I am not. Take care of yourself in terms of your health and emotion aspect too. Understand is inevitable that you will feel very sad, it takes time to actually accept that Shin is in another world. Acceptance and faith in her and yourself and others will certainly helps you. Take some time and you will be able to. Shin will be your main source of strength and I am sure she will be watching over you and Josie, Toby and all her love ones "secretly"! :)

Tony said...

Shin's blog is about sharing her experience. How the kids adjust to their loss is a big part of the story. I plan on updating on their progress over the next few days.

Tony

Anonymous said...

Hi.My name is michelle and im 17.
My teacher, pei,who used to be Shin's friend showed us one of her entries in class today to teach us on how to deal with people and that sometimes its okaye to be strong headed and demanding of our co-workers but that we needed to learn that sometimes it was better to let people retain their fine image in life. She teaches us Public Relations so this lesson was a huge part of it.
It had a great impact on me and so I came back home,and i read through all of Shin's entries and it really made me cry because i learnt what it meant to be happy with what you had even though life was taking it out on you.
I've been having trouble with my friends in school cos im always emotional and not so happy. This blog really taught me lessons on life.It really showed me that it was okaye to be happy.
It also got me thinking about how 20 years down the road,i'd wanna be like Shin.I would want to have friends that are there for me no matter what,and i would want to be there for them too.
Thank you so much for updating this blog so often.I think we all learn from Shin. i know i did.
I hope everyone's doing okaye.
I've always loved this poem,and i thought i'd share it with you.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there,I do not sleep.
I am the thousand winds that blow,I am the diamond glimps of snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn's grain.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there,I did not die.

Take care,love,michelle.

Anonymous said...

tony, i think it's incredible you are still making shin's wishes (about sharing her experience with us) such a priority, especially during this difficult time. it shows how selfless you are. personally, i don't know if i'd have the clarity and courage to update a loved one's blog; i'd surmise the revisiting of events would be (too) painful--even if i knew how important it was for the other person.

just know that if you ever need to take time off from this unannounced, we'd more than understand. of course selfishly we want to know everything and how everyone is coping, but sometimes, people just need time to themselves. hope you are listening to your heart and your needs, too.

you are really an awesome person. thanks for everything tony.

as always, lots of love to your family.

Anonymous said...

Hi Tony, Thank you for sharing the moments during the memorial..its once again evident of how splendid a life Shin led and how proud everyone whom she have touched in her manys can be of her..

Take good care and God Bless!

Anonymous said...

Hi Tony, I am the anony in February 6, 2009 9:25 PM.

That's very great and through reading Shin's sharing on her experiences, we are not only able to know more of her,Josie, Toby and you but also through her very frank experience sharing, or even just to record, they tend to make me,at least, reflect and give deeper thought on our own surrounding happenings,etc. Just like not many parents are able to be like Shin who was able to notice or know that her child/children is sensitive and why and the incident/way that will make her very sad and not necessary through scolding,etc, and keep reminding herself must not forget about that. So I am sure not only me but many of the readers will and had benefit from Shin's experience sharing.

Hi Josie, if you are reading now,just like to tell you that: you have (not "had") a great mummy who paid a lot of attention to your feelings and I am sure your daddy tries hard too.Though "man and woman"/daddy and mummy are still not the same in terms of their innate capabilities but I am sure their love and concern and worries for you and Toby are the same. We chinese has a sayings which goes "when a mother beat her child, is actually the mother's heart that aches" (as you can see how's your mummy feeling was like from her past posts), which means when parents scold or beat their children, must be out of "no choice" or is to discipline. Hope you can understand better, as I assume you are a grown up now. :) Must give more love and "forgiving and understanding to your daddy because he is daddy (I mean NO individual is the same) who I am sure love and care as much as your mummy did/were. :)

Thanks Tony for the update. :)

Anonymous said...

Tony, yes, adjusting to the loss is a big part of the story not just Josie and Toby but to many too. I understand that although Shin had tried to prepare all her love ones about that but when it become reality, is still not that easy. But I believe through time, you and Josie and Toby and even Shin's parents, your parents,etc, will slowly adjust to the "new" life without Shin.

Tony,Josie,Toby,life still have to go on and with Shin's love and alive in your heart, you will live feeling loved and not forgetting giving/sharing your love to the more unfortunate,right? Just as what Michelle said, you all will be sad but that's easier to work out... Take care and Shin will always be "looking" at you all, just that she is now "invisible" to our eyes, ok? ;)I think just by thinking of the happy moments with your mummy and wife, that will take a long time to enjoy recalling and many envy you all for that because there are too many unfortunate children/adults out there who never had such moments/experience.

I am trying tol learn from Shin too : Be positive, be smiling even when everything goes wrong, continue to give and share (help) not necessary in terms of monetary, love and concern are as important as money though money is important. She has to endure all the physical pain,discomfort and all the emotion yet all in her mind is not about herself but her love ones and all those in need. She is not perfect but she is perfect in our eyes. Quoted from Michelle, I/we also love her,the good, the bad and the everything in between her. And I think if we apply this to all the ppl around us, there won't be quarrels,fighting,etc, because is easy to love one's good but is hard to love one's bad! But Shin is an angel and she brings out the angel which we have but bury/hidden in us or let us know that we too have an angel and should not hide them.

Hui

Anonymous said...

I am also 1 of the readers who read through Shin's past postings. I am not so worried now because I read 1 post about Josie said that Tony talked to her and Toby for so long until both of them fell asleep. haha that's make me laugh too, a laughter of comfort in my heart.

I think Tony and Shin had talked and worked out a lot of possible things that will happen and Tony will have to face. I think Tony knows what he needs to look out for and be "careful" and pay more attention to the kids' needs (mentality too),esp Josie, and to understand their personalities which may change/swing (the "unexpects"). Tony, you can do it well. :) Josie and Toby, even you lost your mummy but you have her always in your heart and you have a daddy who loves you as much too, and a lot of ppl like Michelle,your grandparens,etc.